Almost there!

Hi everyone! Thanks for all your good wishes on Facebook, email, phone messages, etc. I really appreciate your support through this last stage in my treatment. As my sister wrote last week, the surgery was successful and I've been home recoveing for the past week. I'm cleared to drive and will pop into work for a bit tomorrow morning. Today, I was able to talk Lucy for a walk and even went out to the post office. It was my first exercise in a week, very welcome. I'm going back to work on Monday as planned. I am still healing, the drain sites are especially sore, and my throat is badly bruised. I am black and blue all over. Hopefully, in 6-8 weeks my foobs will be where there supposed to be and look normal. Right now, I'm trying to remain optimistic.

Surgery Update

Hi - I am writing this update for my sister Bonnie.  Her last surgery went well and she is resting at home.  She has been told not to use her arms for several days -- makes it kinda hard to drink, eat, pull up the covers, or give her sister her daily massage (ha-ha).  Anyway she is hanging in there and we are very glad to see this last surgery finished!

Some Updates, Sorry for the Delay

If anyone is still reading this blog (anyone? anyone?), my apologies for the long-awaited update. I've really been busy this semester trying to get back in the swing of a semi-normal life and haven't had much time to blog. Well, that isn't specifically true. I've had time to blog, I've just spent it doing other things. Particularly, other things that don't make me think of cancer. : (

This weekend, however, for reasons that I will explain, putting my head in the sand about cancer wasn't possible. So here I am, back at the blog, and I realize I have been remiss in putting out the nitty gritty on all things cancer related for my (humble) audience.

On Friday, I had the first of (perhaps many?) my Zometa treatments. Zometa is a drug that is given to combat bone loss, calcium loss, for women like me (among others) who are taking breast cancer drugs that slowly eat away at your bones (as if cancer wasn't bad enough!). Zometa is given every 6 months, by infusion, in the chemo treatment room. A place to which I thought I would NEVER have to return. I was wrong. I tried to finagle an alternative location for the treatment to no avail (insurance wouldn't cover it if I didn't have it done there). So back we went.  This time, I barely remember anything about the trip as I was completely snockered on substances that kept my anxiety at bay and my head in dreamland. I was able to walk to the treatment room on my own volition, and remember something about an IV, but the rest is blissfully blurry.

The first Zometa treatment is particularly noxious as it makes your body feel "flu-like symptoms" for 3-4 days afterwards. Great. They say the second time isn't quite so bad, and thereafter not bad at all. But this was my first. So it sucked. Aches, nausea, chills, fatigue, lack of appetite (the only upside)--I had it all. It is Tuesday, and I'm still feeling fairly crap. But I did it, and my body thanks me, or it will soon.

All this going back to the hospital, back to the chemo room, back to cancer has had me reeling. All it took was one trip and I was sent into the pits of despair for the entire weekend. Ugh, cancer. The gift that keeps on giving. And giving.

If anyone really is still reading this blog, I do want to let you know that I have a surgery date for my FINAL SURGERY!!! While I am glad it will be my final, I am not at all glad to go under the knife and general anesthesia again. On DECEMBER 2,  I am going to have these horrible tissue expanders removed and my silicone implants will be inserted in their place. Let's hope they last a long freaking time, cause I'm not planning on having any more stuff done to those babies in the foreseeable future.

Okay, I'm done, I'm tired, and feeling wretched.

I am still on the planet, thanks for asking!

I know when someone has cancer and people read their blog to see what is happening. If that person doesn't post in a long time, people start to worry. Don't worry! I'm still around. In taking the summer off from cancer, I also took the summer off from the blog. Sorry if I freaked anyone out!

OK, a quick update on all things Bonnie. I've been back at work since May. Working pretty much full time since June. Some days are good, some days are bad. Most days I'm tired. Still dealing with the chemo brain symptoms (cloudy head, fuzzy thinking, can't follow many conversations at once, can't think on my feet, can't type fast or accurately) and trying not to let it get me down. Coffee helps some, but I can't really drink it all day, so by 3:00 the fuzzy head starts again and things move v  e  r  y   s  l  o  w  l  y. Mostly I make a lot of lists and if I need to remember something, I have to write it down immediately!

My latest piece- 11 x 16 hand torn paper

I had some time off--not enough, but some--and am now gearing up for a busy fall semester. Yuma starts back at school (7th grade!) next Wednesday, and Kate is off to Baltimore the same day. Caroline will start a new school (go Quakers!), and David and I continue to work for the man. Crazy.

Aside from work, I've started doing some art projects again and have made a couple of pieces for friends. I will also display a piece at Duke in the Employee Art Show next month. That's all good. 

Am planning on my final surgery (let's hope it is my final surgery forever!) in October. My plastic surgeon will replace these two horrible tissue expanders with my final silicone implants, and at the end of it all I should be sporting some rather fascinating foobs. I'm not anywhere excited about the prospect of new foobs, to me it all sucks and fake boobs are just the final humiliation. But hey, I'm still alive and things could be a lot worse.  I'm aware that it sounds a bit on the Debbie Downer side. So sue me. : )

Finished for the summer!

Woo-hoo! Done! Done! Done! Well, at least for now. I finished my last fill on Tuesday and I am done for the summer! Yippeeeee! I went in last Tuesday and my PS asked if I thought I was happy with the size of my expanders. I told him I am and he gave me my final fill. He said I could have my replacement surgery as early as a month from now, but I told him I'm taking the summer off and will wait a while for my next, and hopefully final, surgery. I need the summer off from the hospital and the focus on my foobs (that's fake+boobs= foobs for the unitiated).

So what's next? Well, I will continue to work over the summer. Take a few small vacations here and there, and will probably schedule the replacement surgery in the fall. They will take out the expanders and put in my silicone gel implants at that time. I won't be able to use my arms for a week and I'll have those horrible drains again, so I decided to give myself a break and wait a while.

I'm going to try to keep up with yoga over the summer. I was under a dark cloud last week and didn't go to any classes, but I'm going to try to go tomorrow. I went to the library and got some post-cancer reading materials of the "now what do I do?" and "help, my brain is permanently damaged by chemo, what do I do?" variety. I hope they have some insight. I could use some emotional assistance.

Hope everyone is having a great summer and enjoying life. I'm making art again, so things are looking up. Will post some of my stuff sometime soon.

Back at work, really busy!

I've been unable to write anything recently because I'm back at work and it's been really busy.

I'm feeling so much better these days. The pain is far better than a month ago, and I continue to go in for my weekly fills. My PS says only 2 more fills and I should be done! Yay! Then I will decide when I want to do the exchange surgery. I'm thinking to give my body a summer off and go in for my final (I hope!) surgery in the fall sometime. The tissue expanders don't hurt as much as they did in the early stages, so I might be able to wait a few months and not suffer in the interim. That would be great! I'm so over feeling shitty or being in pain.

I've been back at yoga since mid-May and it has been wonderful. It really helps with my joint pain and general stiffness. I wouldn't be a very happy camper without yoga these days.

The final surgery is a bit more intense than I thought. I will have general anaesthesia again (boo!), drains again (serious boo!), and won't be able to use my arms for at least a week. All in all, not great. So I think I will wait until fall and enjoy life for a while.

I've been working since May, but working at home off and on. I'm still on "intermittent personal leave" until December which means I can take off when I need to but have to use my vacation and sick time. I can use Kiel donations too if needed. So if you have any vacation time that is going to waste, I could sure use it for the fall surgery. I really appreciate it!

Hope everyone is enjoying their summer. Photo to come soon, my hair is growing in nicely and I actually need to pluck my eyebrows, seriously! I might even need a haircut in the next month or so to even things out a bit. Wouldn't that be cool!

Hair AND eyebrows, oh yeah!

Back in the saddle again...

A week of highs and lows. I went in Tuesday for my filler-up and received 120cc on each side--which is a lot of freaking saline, lemme tell you. I was cleared for "normal activity" and allowed to drive again--woohoo! It was so nice to be able to drive this week. Saved me from a serious case of the crazies.

I have been pretty sore all week due to the fill and edema, which my PS (plastic surgeon) says will come and go. When it comes, it sucks. Feels like rocks are filling my chest. Unpleasant, very unpleasant. The PS says he is really happy with my progress so far and that everything is healing well and stretching as much as possible. We estimated that I will have to do about 4-6 more fills before I reach the size I want to be. Technically, I could have my replacement surgery for the silicone implants as early as a month after my last fill, however, my mind and body might not do so well if we try to schedule it anytime soon. If the expanders feel less horrible in the future, I'd like to wait until the fall to do the replacement surgery. It will involve outpatient surgery under general anesthesia, and a full week without use of my arms. Sounds great, right? What wonderful choices breast cancer has given me--surgery or expander pain. I love my life!

I plan to go back to work on Monday, probably for half days until I can handle more activity. Every day I can stretch my arms more, and every day I feel a little better in general. The pain can still be debilitating, but at least it is debilitating for shorter and shorter periods of time. I've been depressed on and off, but you try living with pain for almost a month solid, I guarantee it would depress you too. Being able to do more out of the house seems to help some and yoga helps a lot. I can't do all the poses, but I modify as I need to and it has been great to stretch out my poor back muscles after so long in bed.  I'm scheduled for a massage tomorrow to work out some of the soreness, but it will probably take a lot more than one massage for this bod to get rid of the tightness that has built up over the past month.

Thanks for visiting me this week Joan, Melissa, and Graciela. It was so nice to see you all and catch up on all the latest. Here's to summer!

Still at home, still healing

Hi everyone! Sorry to be so remiss in my posting. Have been struggling with some pain this week. Went in Tuesday for my first "expansion" and they advised me to take one more week at home. I'm happy to say they removed the drains, but the expanders hurt a lot. Especially in strange places like my lats, where you wouldn't think I'd be experiencing pain. Today I woke up and felt even more tight than usual. David said I have a lot of fluid building up (from taking the drains out), and the nurse said that it would hurt until my body reabsorbs it. Great. Still not able to drive or lift above my head. Have been going slowly bat-shit crazy being at home so much, but I have taken a few trips outside the house the past 2 evenings. Without those, I would be seriously a mess. I also had a fab visit with Jenny and her amazingly cute baby, Jacob. Thanks for coming over an entertaining me, Jenny!

Next appointment for my fill-up will be next Tuesday. Hopefully, I will be well enough to drive myself, but we have to see how this weekend goes. They were only able to fill 60 ccs this past visit due to the pain, so maybe I can get more next time. I think they can do 120 ccs or maybe more at a time if I can handle it. I'm planning to go in every week for fill-ups. If it is too painful, I can cut down and go less frequently. Everything is up in the air at this point. Looking forward to this weekend. Happy Mother's Day to everyone celebrating the day!

Recovery continues...

Thanks to my sister for her "guest-blogging," it is much appreciated. As you can see, or infer, I'm able to use my hands once again and am back online for a bit. My plastic surgeon would not be happy with me-- they told me to keep my arms down by my sides until Tuesday when they remove the last of my drains. But I'm just too freaking bored to stay off the computer. Sorry, Dr. Z.

I am feeling better day by day, and the pain continues to lessen. I've cut down on the pain meds (Oxycodone for anyone who just needed to know) and am on a minimal, yet sufficient, amount. I've had my first non-medical outing this weekend (to Blockbuster-woo hoo!) and even did a little shopping at my favorite haunt, Target. You know you can't keep Bonnie out of Target too long! Makes her craz-za-zy!

Thanks to everyone for feeding our family and bringing/sending me presents and love. I can't wait to see you all. Hopefully, I'll be cleared for takeoff after the next week or so! Watch me fly!

Recovery

Hi Everyone - Just wanted to update you on Bonnie's recovery (sister Cindy is writing).  Bonnie had her post-op doctor appointments yesterday and the good news is her lab results from the surgery were negative.  There was no cancer found in any tissue removed during the surgery last week (yeah!).  She is still in pain and relies on the pain meds for now.  Her doctor tells her that she will see improvement in her healing over the next week (and less pain).  David's sister came in yesterday for a few days to help out, which will be great.  Thanks for all your continued support for Bonnie as she recovers.

Surgery

(Note - I'm Bonnie's sister Cindy and she asked me to update the blog).  The surgery is done and went as expected.  What else can you say about it, ugh! (I wrote another idea here but erased it as I'm not sure how raw one can be on these blogs).  Bonnie stayed at Duke last night, with David by her side, and she is expected home today.  She was awake and hungry when I saw her and I'm sure they were serving an appetizing dinner of something probably brownish/grayish/mushy.  Many thanks for all your love and support.  

Surgery scheduled

FYI, have to go in for surgery at 10:30 am, actual surgery is scheduled for 12:00. Finally a time!

Freaking out!

So basically, I'm freaking out. Surgery day after tomorrow. Went to work and tried not to think about it. Ended up thinking about it anyway. Really don't want to do it, know I have to, still don't want to do it.

My sister flies in tomorrow and we are going to try to have a "I'm-not-thinking-about-surgery" afternoon. My big plan is eating something large and chocolate-y. However, if today is any indication, I won't want anything to eat at all. For me, lack of appetite is an indicator of huge stress. Virtually nothing stops me from eating. I can count on one hand the times I've not wanted to eat, and all of them are really bad.

For those of you who haven't been keeping up with my hair updates (yeah, riveting, I know) here is a photo update. It really is growing in! It actually looks somewhat like I planned it. Eyebrows help, I guess.

To all my friends at Cornucopia yoga--enjoy your down dogs for the next couple of weeks, I will miss you!

Tick, Tock

So we are getting closer and closer to the big, horrible day. Now less than a week away. Sigh. I've done a pretty good job of not thinking about it much for the past month, but as the date draws nearer, it is definitely getting harder and harder to ignore. The proverbial elephant in room. Although in this case, there are two elephants. Ugh.

I'm trying to pretend my sister is coming for a "visit," rather than coming for my surgery. I'm also trying to pretend that all the little things I need to do before her "visit" don't pertain to the fact that I will be out of commission for approximately two weeks after the surgery (no, I really LOVE cleaning out my car, really). I went in Monday for my scheduled pre-op screening. No biggie, just more of the same "blah, blah, blah" as the last two times I've had surgery.

For those of you who haven't heard the plan, here's some info. I'll go in for surgery sometime in the morning of April 21, next Wednesday. I don't have an exact time until I call on Tuesday, April 20. They have cancellations etc. so they won't actually schedule my time until the day before. Cindy is coming in on Tuesday the 20th and will stay with us until Sunday. She will provide back-up for David and help with the kids. Yuma knows what is going on, but I didn't give him many details. When I told him what they were going to do in the surgery he said, "Are you serious?" and looked like he couldn't believe they would do something so barbaric. Believe me kid, I can't believe it either, but that's where we are today.

The surgery is scheduled to last anywhere from 4-6 hours, that is the bilateral mastectomy and the placement of the tissue expanders. If all goes well, I will leave the OR with the tissue expanders in place. If my skin won't tolerate it, or if there isn't enough skin to proceed, I will have to wait and get the expanders later in a separate surgery. That would suck, by the way. I will roll into recovery and stay there until they deem it ok for me to be admitted. I'll then go up to my room, stay the night, get pain meds, and be discharged by 9:00 am the next morning. I'll go home with 4 drains to maintain. Yesch. I've requested a nurse from home health to come in to help with the drains, so that should make it some what easier.

I'll be out of commission for about 2 weeks. Not a lot of movement, no lifting, no reaching overhead, no driving etc. Everyone is different with recovery so who knows if it will be 2 weeks, 3 weeks, less than 2 weeks, whatever. We have to see.

Mentally, I'm pretty up and down. Trying to do yoga, stay busy, do art, whatever to take my mind off of it. I'm going to ask David or Cindy to post a note here once I'm out of surgery so everyone knows that I'm done and how things went. Thanks for all your support. You continue to amaze me with your love and support. Send me some good surgery energy for next week. Until later...

Femara sucks!

In March, I started taking this anti-cancer drug called Femara (or Letrozole if you want to know the generic drug name). Most people know about Tamoxifen, but fewer people seem to know about Femara.  It is in the class of drugs known as an aromatase inhibitor, which basically means:


It blocks the enzyme aromatase (found in the body's muscle, skin, breast and fat), which is used to convert androgens (hormones produced by the adrenal glands) into estrogen. In the absence of estrogen, tumors dependent on this hormone for growth will shrink. 


My tumor was estrogen positive, which means it grew larger due to the presence of estrogen in my body. This drug is supposed to keep estrogen from "feeding" any possible future tumors. It is supposed to reduce my chances of a recurrence by 50%. Okay, that's all good. 


Now for the small print. And this is why it sucks. It makes me feel about 80 years old. Like I've run a marathon a day for about a month and my muscles and joints are so stiff and tight, that I can barely walk across the room without wincing. It's worse in the morning and evening, but also hurts after sitting a while (oh, you mean like in my JOB???!!!).  The doc recommends the usual pain relievers--Advil or Alleve, both of which work a bit. I'm reluctant to take it every day, however. 


Yoga helps, and I've started doing it almost every day just to get some relief, but for the most part, it kind of sucks. 


Okay, enough about that. Let's talk hair. I finally was able to upload a photo to show how much my hair has grown in in the past month. I know it's not nearly as luxurious as it once was (ha ha) but I am finally starting to look like I have a buzz cut. I'll take a buzz cut over the cue ball any day. I'm hatless all the time now and hardly even think about my lack of hair these days. Well, with one exception--my driver's license photo! Damn, damn, double-damn. This WOULD BE the year that my license is up for renewal. The ONE FREAKIN YEAR THAT I'M BALD. I've put it off since March 17, but I may have to bite the bullet and bring the wig back out for one last hoorah. Ugh. I just can't do a license photo with so few hairs on my head.  What do you think? Wig or not? Weigh in on this very important decision, folks. I'll be going sometime this week. 


Hugs and easter bunny chocolate. 

Hair today!

I thought it would never happen, but my hair is finally starting to grow back! Yay, yay, yay! It's fuzzy rather than a real "hair-like" texture I expected. It has grown in about a centimeter so far. Right on time too, it's getting way too hot to wear hats anymore. I went shopping this weekend sans hat and, although I got a few stares (mostly from kids), it didn't bother me too much.

I've had a rough week so far. A migraine on Tuesday, followed by Wednesday blues. I took myself shopping, spent way too much money, and painted tonight trying to improve the mood. Hopefully, I'll be back to normal soon. I can't afford much more retail therapy.

Have been exercising as much as possible, and trying to keep up with yoga. Every little bit helps, mind and body. Some good news: Kate got into several of the colleges she's applied to. Yay and yay. When is August?

Surgery still scheduled for April 21. I'm now in prep mode. Reading up on reconstruction, buying some necessary post-mastectomy garments (who knew!), and trying to prepare myself for the post-surgical shock (pain and scars). No wonder I'm down, this sucks.

I've been expecting hot flashes and night sweats now that I'm supposed to be menopausal, but so far, nada. Either I'm incredibly lucky (ha!) or things are just getting started. Whatever, I'm enjoying the time while it lasts.

I've been working a lot and it is leaving me pretty tired. It is hard trying to get my life back to normal with this surgery hanging over my head. I'm not really sure what normal is anymore, or that I will ever be there mentally after this year. I'm sure it gets better, but for now, I'm still in the trenches trying to get through the last part of the treatment. After that...who knows.

One down, two to go!

I'm here, but my ovaries are not. Nor are my fallopian tubes. History. Gone. Kaput. Outta there! Had my surgery on Thursday, sent home the same day with pain meds. I'm doing pretty well overall--a little pain, a little soreness. I can't really sit upright, but other than that...

My surgery was relatively simple and the best news is that they didn't find any thing but my (almost) 40-year-old ovaries waiting for them. No strange cells or tumors, yay! I am relieved.

I'll be out of work for about a week, and can't lift anything over 10 lbs. for a while, but this surgery has been much easier than anything else I've had to do so far. The best part, I'm not supposed to vacuum, mop, sweep, or do any heavy housework for 6 weeks, yeah baby. Bring on the good news, it's about time.

Next surgery scheduled for April 21, my bilateral mastectomy with tissue expanders. What the hell are tissue expanders, you may ask. Let me tell you a little about the upcoming surgery. So, here's what's gonna happen. I go in and there will be 2 surgeons tending to me during my stay. In a 5-6 hour surgery, Dr. W, my breast cancer surgeon, will "core out" the breast tissue, getting rid of as much of the breast tissue as possible, while trying to leave as much skin in tact as she can. The nipples gotta go though. Once she has taken out tissue, they will make sure the skin is in good shape. If the skin is doing well, i.e. not dying due to lack of blood supply, then I get to keep it.

Dr. Z, the plastic surgeon, then steps in and places a saline "balloon" of sorts into the breast cavity. This cavity is then closed over with the skin and sealed. Before the seal, drains are inserted, 2 on each breast, to drain fluid out of the breast cavity (I know, DISGUSTING!). These will stay in up to 2 weeks. Yuck! After about 2-4 weeks, barring no problems, I start regular visits to Dr. Z's office to have the saline "balloons" pumped up. Depending on my pain threshold, they will inject anywhere from 60-100 cc of saline weekly to stretch the skin over the "balloon." Thus, expanding the cavity/skin for my final implants.

After about 4-6 months of doing this expansion, I will schedule another surgery in which the saline expanders are removed and replaced with silicone implants. The silicone implants will be a size of my choice and will have to be replaced once every 10-20 years or so depending on their "wear and tear."

The bilateral mastectomy means a night in the hospital with serious pain meds on board afterwards. The second surgery to replace the saline, isn't supposed to be quite as lengthy and I am supposed to be able to go home the same day.

That's probably much more than you EVER wanted to know about mastectomies, right? Now you know.

So hungry!

So, I'm starving. I'm not allowed to eat anything today in preparation for surgery tomorrow. Well, I'm allowed a few things. Like JELLO, ick. And clear broth, ick. And tea with sugar, but no milk. Bleh. Life is a little bland right now.

Surgery tomorrow. Bye, bye, little ovaries. Little fallopian tubes. You've served me well. Now it is time to bid you adieu.

Not sure what time I actually have the surgery. They told me to call the nurse between 4:00 pm and 7:30 pm today to get my times. I hope it isn't too late in the day, I'll really be hungry by then. Ugh. Did I mention how hungry I am????

So no yoga tomorrow or Saturday. Bummer. Not sure how long the recovery is for this, but as it is , I'm hoping it won't be longer than a few days. I'd like to be back at yoga next week if possible.

More info post-surgery!

What's next?

I had a follow-up appointment with my oncologist on Monday. It wasn't pleasant. I really had hoped that at the end of my treatment I'd be able to put this breast cancer thing into a box and shove it into the back of my closet, forgetting it for the next ten years or so. I guess that's not gonna happen.

Apparently, I'm going to have to remain on the radar for the next 2 years, visiting my dear oncologist once every 4 months for check-ups. Every six months, I will have to have an infusion (back to the dreaded chemo room!) of Zometa to keep my bones healthy, because the medication I'm going to start, Femara, causes bone loss. Great. I'll be on Femara for the next five to ten years. Yes, you read that correctly. The upswing? Femara reduces the possibility of recurrence by 50%. Ok, sign me up. That's a number I can live with (ha ha).

The bummer: the hospital makes me sick. Literally. When I left there yesterday, I was so sick to my stomach, I couldn't eat anything for hours. I had to go home and curl up in bed to sleep it off. I just hate going in the building. The mere thought of returning to the chemo room makes me want to hurl. Every six months? Sheesh.

Another bummer: the first dose of Zometa makes you feel like total $&#% for a few days. Flu-like symptoms for up to a week, wonderful. Some say it won't happen as bad the second dose, some say it made them sick again. Who knows.

Another bummer: Femara apparently makes a lot of people feel horrible. I need to stop reading the bulletin boards in the breast cancer community room online. This will only make me crazy.

I'm not in a great place, feeling overwhelmed with it all. Surgery still scheduled for next Thursday, let's all say a collective goodbye to my fabulously productive ovaries, shall we?

Don't remember if I posted this or not, but the bilateral mastectomy is scheduled for April 21. That one will keep me freaking out for a while. Until later, I remain, Bonnie.

Round 6, final chemo...done, and done.

Just a quick update. Final round went as well as could be expected, am now dealing with the side effects at home. Once I get through the next 10-14 days of whatever the chemo may bring, I will feel really and truly done with this part of my treatment. Then you will hear a huge sigh of relief from me and maybe a huge hoo-ray! too.

I've been busy visiting a myriad of other doctors since round 5 to get a plan in place for my upcoming surgeries. The next surgery will be the removal of the ovaries and fallopian tubes. This will be done as a laporoscopic procedure, under general anesthesia (ugh!), and possibly involves a night in the hospital (depending on how things go). As it is laporoscopic, the healing time is less and easier (or so I hear). This surgery has been scheduled on March 4.

The next round of surgery involves a bit more pain, 2 invasive procedures, and a lot of mental distress for the Bonnster. In the last week of March or early April, I will go in for the bilateral mastectomy and the placement of my "tissue expanders." This is a bit of a change from the original plan in October in which I was told I would skip tissue expanders, they would place the final implants at the time of the bilateral. Since then, they have noticed that this procedure doesn't yield such great aesthetic results so they are returning to the way they've done in the past. This will mean 2 surgeries instead of one, but hopefully better results, so that is what we are doing. The time between the first surgery and second surgeryis about 3-4 months depending on the person. Could be longer, but let's not think about that. The first surgery is about 5-6 hours under general anesthesia with an overnight in the hospital. I will be out of commission for a minimum of 2 weeks with almost 0 physical activity in the arms/back/chest. Sounds like so much fun, right? Don't even get me started on the "drains"...sheesh and ick.

Starting to wear down. Must close for now. Once again, huge thanks for all that you do to support me through this incredibly difficult time. Nothing can replace the support of friends and family. Huge hugs to you all.

Bald as a Baby's Butt

Knocked out round 5 today! Yay!

A big shout out to everyone who has written me on Facebook or contacted me to say hello, thanks for your lovely e-mail and your support. It is so comforting to know that you all are thinking about me, sending me healing energy, putting me on your prayer lists, feeding us, nurturing us, and so much more. Thank you again, you are all so wonderful. I can't wait to have a big party at the end of all this to celebrate YOU and our friendship. You guys keep me going, so thanks.

Went in for round 5 this morning. All seems to be going well so far. I actually met with my oncologist this visit, not the PA, so that was a nice and unexpected change. She was glad to hear that round 4 was tolerable and very happy to hear that I am going to finish all 6 rounds. I really felt a lot better with the changes she implemented for me in the last cycle, so let's hope that continues. We talked about the "next steps" as well, the after chemo scenario, and that was also unexpected. I guess I didn't think we'd talk about that until my last round, but there are appointments to be had-- involving many other surgeons-- so I guess we have to start now to work out the schedule and the plan.

For those of you I haven't blabbed to, I am planning on having a double mastectomy and reconstruction (with implants) after chemo is done. Because I'm a BRCA2 gene mutation carrier, I have a much higher risk of breast cancer returning so a double mastectomy will buy me some peace of mind and perhaps will even buy me a longer life. All good. I'm also going to have my ovaries removed as my cancer is what they call "ER/PR+" which means the estrogen produced by my ovaries "feeds" the tumor and helps it grow. Clearly, we don't want anything "feeding" tumors and "helping them grow" now do we?! So those babies are gonna have to come out toot sweet. I'll be meeting with the mastectomy surgeon (Dr. Wilke, she's amazing, did my lumpectomy too), my plastic/reconstruction surgeon (Dr. Zenn the boob guru), and Dr. Burcheck with do the ovaries (he is a specialist and been doing this type of stuff a long time). Welcome to team Bonnie!

The bad news is that before the big surgery can take place, the Bon-ster's gotta get in shape. I've lost a lot of energy and incentive throughout the chemo debacles, but now it is imperative I get my fat butt back to exercising. The mastectomy and reconstruction surgery is long (5-6 hours) under general anaesthesia and I will have to stay overnight in the hospital. Ugh. The recovery will be a lot smoother and easier if I am in better shape. I've gained about 5-8 pounds with the steroids in chemo (one of life's little ironies right there) and need to get off the weight and get my stamina back. I have very little energy and feel out of breath just when I walk the dog, so Dr. Blackwell recommends I start this week with 30 minutes a day of easy exercise to build up for surgery. Maybe it will be easier to be motivated now that it is a doctor's orders...nah! Who am I kidding??? LMAO!

Anyway, that's all the news that's fit to print on this subject for now. Until my next post, thanks again for all your love and support, and big thanks to everyone who has donated Kiel vacation hours to me. I really appreciate every hour! Thanks a million!

Bon

Yay 2010! Boo Cancer!

Happy New Year everyone! Hope this post finds you well and enjoying a wonderful start to 2010. Can't believe it actually IS 2010. Where has the time gone? I remember Yuma wearing a little Y2K t-shirt like it was yesterday.

Round 4 has come and gone and I am mentally gearing up for round 5 (Monday). Round 4 went better than the others, thanks to new meds and a week off. It wasn't so bad in terms of nausea, but I was pretty worn out physically. I am glad to be over the hump and wanting the rest of the treatments to be over and done with as soon as possible.

Spent Christmas at home with family and New Years brought us Cindy and Mia, making my holidays very bright. Will start back at work this week despite horrible cold and cough that I picked up somewhere.

Thanks to everyone for sending beautiful hats my way. I could feasibly wear a new hat every day for about a month now! You rock!

Here's to 2010 and new health!